go on, don't stop.
11 November 2009
oh my gosh. i have so much to do. i know blogging should be the last thing that one should do if he/she is in my position but i just can't help it. i'm so drained after doing 3weeks worth of jap homework. i deserved it huh? but i really can't find the time to bother with some module that is not included in my GPA. argh. oh wells. I'VE DONE IT. i will i will pass my JLPT and get my Jap Diploma!
shit man. even though this sem is much slacker, everything's coming too fast. all the little things coming in together. it's not fairrr. my friend in last sem didnt got it so bad. oh wells. there's no fairness to talk abt in reality. ARGH I CAN'T SCREW UP THIS SEM. i feel like i'm still not on-track enough. i'm like just going to fall off the track anytime. shitttt. I REALLY NEED TO MANAGE BETTER. and i'm thinking of BGC committee. hah. trying hard to be better in jap, studies and cca.. is that too ambitious? but y'know, these are what i should be excelling. should be.
life been pretty rocky, unexpected. &i don't like it.
and, i wish some people will just stop pressuring me... i mean, i need my space. i have a choice; doesn't mean that i don't reject once, i won't turn down the next time. i just have no idea how to put it across to you, how to tell you that the line will always be there, unchanged. don't ask me who i'm referring to, thank you very much.
and, i've received random msg from random people that are not that random.
i'm not making sense, am i? hah. anyways. i hate myself from letting certain people affect me so much with just a sms. people i thought are already out of my life. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY. shit. i'm so noob. i feel like yelling, "MY LIFE DON'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU!" then again, i only have myself to blame.
oh man...
it's 1am.
&i don't feel like ending my post, yet.
oh ya, attended godsis's wedding last sunday. it was AWESOME and HECTIC.
update more with photos next post.
CONGRATS, 2nd GODSIS! :D
Woman's Worth conference on monday was SO boring. but had some entertainment hearing screwed-up speakers and some interesting opinions/discussions. hmmm perhaps females are really too into Cinderella stories huh? well, i will be one of those foolish bunch.
hmmm...
i'm growing FAT. randomness.
HANG ON HANG ON! >.<
avelyn.
i just wish at timesi have a shoulder to lie on.
did you know!
06 November 2009
DID YOU KNOW I STAND AT THE SHOP FOR HOURS JUST TO DECIDE WHAT SHIRT TO GET FOR YOU. DID YOU KNOW I FORK OUT MY SALARY TO GET THAT SHIRT FOR YOUR COMING BIRTHDAY? WHY ARE YOU BEING MAD AT EVERY MINOR THING. WHY ARE YOU SO SELFISH. WHY IS THE FREAKING COM MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR SISTER, ALWAYS. ALWAYS. WHY WHY WHY. WHY MUST YOU DETACH YOURSELF FROM US. WHY MUST YOU HOLLER WHEN YOU CAN BE NICE.
WHYYYYYYYYYY.
WHY CANT YOU SEE THAT WE DIDNT WANT TO BOTHER YOU MORE THAN WE CAN HELP IT. WHY CANT YOU SEE THAT WE ARE HERE. WE ARENT ENEMIES. WE ARE FAMILY, WHY.
I AM SO ANGRY. WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH SPLIT PERSONALITY. YOU WERE LAUGHING A MINUTE AGO. YOU THINK IT'S COOL? IT IS NOT. ANY IDEA HOW HURTFUL IT IS?
YOU. HAVE. NO. IDEA. SHIT YOU. SHIT THE PRESENT.
ARGH! WHY AM I EVEN TEARING UP!
AVELYN.
shady days.
03 November 2009
if i knew a pair of shades would make me so happy, i would have bought it long ago.
lol. i'm never a fan of sunglasses and i still isnt. but it's so funny to see myself in the mirror and "acting cool". HAHA. and guess what? i got in at TEN DOLLARS! hahahaa.
went shopping a while with tricia the other day; it was fun. esp the do-it-yourself cake! i'm so gonna do it for my next bf! that is, if i ever get one. LOL.
anyws, school have been.... much slacker compared to the last sem. BUT that doesnt mean we don't have much to do... havent been getting around doing my stuffs cos stuffs cropped up here and there. life's still as cramped as ever.. I REALLY CANT SCREW UP THIS SEM. that's what i keep telling myself. hah i really shl chill. but still. i dont have that self discipline. hahahaha.
hmm. was late for school for TWO hours today and CAB'ed. mum didnt wake me up! D:
anyws, i'm currently in school slacking away. haveing my 2hrs break...
nicole said something to me that makes me feel comforted just now. hah.
godsis's wedding is just around the corner! time flies.
yeaps, that's all for now.. :D
avelyn.
everything reminds,
even when i've forgotten.
speech-day.
29 October 2009
today's practise speech wasn't that screwed because i have awesome classmates that cheered for each other and am awesome tutor. but besides that, it was pretty much screwed? i think. hah. i'm never good with speaking.
today was a tiring day. so tired that i skipped dinnertime and drop-dead once i reach home. guess the little viruses in me haven't all gone away yet. but today, was so much better than yesterday. alright, i know it's stupid. emo emo emo.
i'll buck up.
avelyn.
so tired of the reality.
28 October 2009
these few days have been long. yea, i fell sick. but that isn't just it.
i realised where i stand in the bustling city, the realistic society and the sophiscated social circle.
have been feeling quite ill. fever, headache, sore throat, flu and such. pretty much a little of everything. so, i skipped school and got kinda worried about stuffs. and.....
fyi, my optimism always hit the lowest when i'm sick. so, i didnt really have anyone to talk to or anyone who can understand me at that moment. i thought about a lot of things and ya, the tears just came. i felt so down. the headache got worse as i got more emotional. and i thought, would someone slow down their tracks, put aside their stuffs, and listen to me if let's say i got H1N1?
i don't know what else except to blog. and even so, words aren't enough to express how i feel. i feel so stuffed, so restless. even as i drifted in and out of sleep, i keep questioning myself what didn't I do enough? and the dreams came... it was bad. i remember sweating, fever subsiding and when the medicene wears off, it starts all over again.
i don't really blog such emo stuff in this blog but i can't seem to stop already. y'know, i'm just blogging crap, you guys don't have to read all these. argh, is this illness really getting into me? i don't know. but let me survive, okay? let me recover, let me survive whatever turmoil that's within me. funny isn't it? trying to cope with an internal battle instead of some external factors. it's always about perception. people who chooses not to notice someting or people who just plainly not notice, are always the happier ones. that's why, ignorance is a bliss. but i cant. i just see all the little things and somehow on the way, i missed out all the things worth being happy for.
i feel tired trying to fit. fit into what? my family, my social circle or simply just the world itself? i don't know. but i feel like i'm a misfit. a nobody that fits nowhere. ha, what a loser thing to say. yea, i know.
just let me rot away.
shit everything.
I JUST CAN'T.
even though i keep trying.
avelyn.
i will,tell me i will survive.
the bliss.
25 October 2009
-Ms Janet looked gorgeous on the wedding day!!! :D
the bf waited for her for 7years leh! SO XING FU. haha.
-haha. 4D1'08 celebrated zhenning's bday after that & watched "Imagine That".
-my high heels is a killer.
-i wish the gathering wouldn't end just there, wouldnt end so fast.
-more photos to be up.
CONGRATS TO JANET&DAVID!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ZHEN NING!
avelyn.
i don't want you to know
just like
how i don't want myself to know.
catching up <3
22 October 2009
some updates of my last week of the hols.
meeting up with besties: JESSLYN, CARMEN, TRICIA, JIUNJIA was AWESOME. loves them like err a lot. lol! the feeling of closing up the gap again was great.
then, had chalet with beloved poly friends. hah. it sucks that i got to leave at night, though. =X
avelyn.
times i felt so down
and wanna skip the town
i'm glad there are friends around
that hears the same sound.
